Sunday, April 5, 2009

Hypoxia? Hypothermia?

I had not seen Eddie yet and it had been a couple of hours after delivery. I really wanted to see him, but now I had to wait until they implemented the voluntary induced hypothermia. I had no idea what to expect, I just wanted to see my baby boy.

When I finally did get to see him, I was surprised. First, I was surprised by the amount of IV's and tubes and wires that they can fit into one little baby boy. He even had a thing covering his nose that made him look like pinocchio. Second, I was surprised by the head of hair on that boy! He was beautiful, tiny and naked. I was shocked to see that he had nothing on. He had a cooling mat, under and was being "cooled" from the top, too. Induced Hypothermia is implemented with the hopes it will reduce the development of irreversable brain damage/injury. I had a hard time seeing him like that.

I wanted to hug him. But, we were told that he had had seizures and we were not to to touch him or stimulate him. That is the hardest thing! I wanted to hug him, kiss him, touch him. I couldn't. My baby was cold and full of wires and no one was able to give him any love or affection. A mother's instinct is to comfort and hold a baby who had to deal with all he had to deal with, I could not. I resolved to be strong and present. It was all I could do.

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